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Gray and Rainy

February 3, 2010

This week has been very gray. It has been gray and rainy which has seemed to spill over into my life and made my decisions and activities also gray in spirit. particularly my decision of going into nursing. I’m not going to quit. Some days it just gets so overwhelming that I wonder why I chose it as my major in the first place. We had clinical orientation this week. At first I was excited, but after the day was over I came away rather discouraged. One of the places we will be doing clinical at is one of those places that will probably make me never want to be a nurse again! I know that statement is not really true, but for the time being it is how I feel.  I also had my first Pharmacology test this week and did not do well at all to say the least.

I wish that my grades did not affect me the way they do, I wish they would not define who I am in my mind, but they do. 

Today was a bit more positive however. The gray rain has faded and it is a nice warm cheerful day again. I have rediscovered two stress relievers that I expect will be helpful in making it through nursing school.

The first is running. It seems that I have sat in my horribly uncomfortable computer chair for days now. I am tired of reading and I have not been getting any excercise. Now I should remind you I’m a Nursing major. Aren’t we supposed to be role models? Aren’t we supposed to know what it takes to be disciplined and excercise before we can educate our patients on these same topics. Maybe some of you would disagree with me on this theory, I know that it is controversial, but that is what I believe and according to my own standards I have been a hypocrite. So, two days ago I decided to start running again, and  small as it seems it was the best decision I have made all week! I came home feeling energized and so much better about myself. Plus the dog got some highly needed excercise as well!

The second therapy in my life is piano. When I was young I used to dread practicing the piano. Playing was always such a chore for me. But today it is exactly the opposite. I am so thankful that my mom made me play because now I have the basics and am slowly progressing to be able to really express myself through music. There is a lot of talk about music therapy and how it works on animals, the disabled , and even sick patients. I completely believe in it after a few weeks of playing again. My piano teacher, Mr. Koester, an adorable older man who I highly respect told me today that he is always calm and collected because he lets all his frustration out through his fingertips to the keys. After a hard test or a long day of studying, piano is a way for me to release my stress. Unlike the teachers I had at Bob Jones, Mr. Koester actually challenges me with hard piano pieces and I can feel myself progressing in piano like I never have before. Piano is for the first time in my life a positive and encouraging hobby! I am thankful that I found these two things to help me let out the frustrations of the day.

So even though nursing is hard, I know it will be worth it. Even though it makes me want to cry and never allows me to sleep I have learned more about myself through it. Even though I have failed a test I am succeeding in other areas and am learning to conquer my fears. I know that once I am done with Nursing school I will be a more confident young woman and will have a sense of purpose in my life. For these reasons and many more I must finish and embrace the challenge!

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