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Are you Content?

September 7, 2010

Things have not been quite as interesting since we arrived back in the South, but at least one thing is the same –  our life is constantly confusing.

Let’s see…we lived in a hotel for three weeks. Now Giles is living in Greenville to do part time work and I am in Charleston living at another couples place to finish school.

On September 22nd Giles and I will be driving out to Arizona and I will be helping him settle into our new place. On October 3rd I will be flying back to Charleston , yes you read it right Giles and I will be separated for the school year. Let me make it clear that we will not be separated because we want to be. It’s quite the opposite really, we will only be separated because we have to be to pursue our individual dreams that will make us a stronger couple.

Some of you might not understand or agree with this, but that’s ok. I have prayed and Giles has prayed about this and together we feel that we are making the right decision. I’m trying really hard not to be bothered by what other’s think about this situation but I have had heard comments that bother me already. I guess you can’t please everybody and there are always going to be those that judge and disagree.

Aside from everyone elses thoughts, my own have been very loud and clear lately. ” I don’t like it here, I’m lonely, I miss my family, this is awkward,  I miss Giles, I don’t have a purpose here…” It seems like no matter where I live I am still discontent somehow. Phillipians 4:11 has been constantly ringing through my head for the past few months.

 Paul says – ” Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.”

Right now in this moment I am without my husband. In a few weeks I will be without him months at a time. It’s not going to be easy. I’m not going to feel at home .  I’m not going to be complete. But, I know I need to learn to be content.

In about 8 months I’m going to make the long, three day trip out to Arizona and this time I won’t be coming back to my home. The place that I grew up. I won’t be able to  drive a quick three hours to see my friends and family or spend some time in the fresh, green, lush mountains, or climb to the top of a waterfall. I will be alone. I will be afraid. Will I be content? It sure doesn’t sound like it at the direction my thoughts are falling right now. I told you, I am really struggling with being content wherever I am. In this moment of my life it feels like God will allow me to be in one place I want to be but pull away the one I love the most or he will allow me to have the one I love but pull away the place I want. I am not going to be a joyful christian woman until I learn to make God my only satisfaction, only then will I learn to be content wherever I am.

I know where I’m wrong and I want to change, but I will be the first to admit it’s hard, and I’m struggling and I need prayers to conquer this sinnful, griping spirit that my heart holds so close.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Rose Marie Blumer permalink
    September 14, 2010 2:50 AM

    Dearest Dani, I want you to know that I love you. Kris and I are praying for both you and Giles as you go through this transition in your lives. Thank you for being so transparent. It helps to know exactly how we need to be praying.
    Proverbs 3:5-6 is becoming more of a reality for me as each day passes. I’m learning how important it is to trust in the Lord with all my heart. We can’t lean on our own understanding because there are times when we don’t even understand our own thoughts. If you are seeking the Lord…you will find him, and he alone will give you the peace that passes all understanding.

    Please know that I understand what you are going through. I remember when Kris knew the Lord was leading him go back to school. I also remember Kris and I discussing whether I should stay in Bradenton and work while he went to school, but of course that was crazy talk. We had a family that needed to see stability in their parents. So, Kris and I moved our family to Greenville. Although I knew that God was directing our steps, I struggled with discontentment. I had a very successful business in Bradenton…I had to give it up to follow my husband. The choice was mine. I knew I could do the same type of work in Greenville, but I knew I would have to start over. (it takes about three years to get established in a Salon) I remember asking God to make me content. It didn’t happen over night, but over time I became content. God gave me a wonderful opportunity to use my creativity through the Wig department at Bob Jones. I loved it there.
    I think my biggest struggle is that… I do not like change.
    It seems that about the time I get comfortable, God opens up new opportunities, and once again I have to be willing to trust Him as He directs our paths. So now, I’m following my husband to Peru. ; ) The fact that all my children are ‘out of the nest’ does not make the transition any easier.
    There are times when I feel vulnerable and overwhelmed about life in a different country, with a different culture, and a new language to learn. During those weak times I can only find strength in God alone. I find comfort knowing that God works in spite me.
    Psalm 37:4-5 Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord;trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

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