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Reflections from a very pregnant lady

March 6, 2012

I am going a little bit crazy waiting on this baby to get here and writing is therapy to me so I decided an update would be appropriate. I’m not only writing this post to help calm my own nerves, but I also want future first time mothers to know what to expect and to understand that their thoughts are not crazy in the last few weeks of pregnancy . It took me a little while to figure out that I am normal, but once I did I felt much better. I hope others are able to be comforted by my inner thoughts.

I am 39 weeks pregnant and honestly I thought I would have met my little girl by now, but for whatever reason it’s not the right time yet and every day I try to accept that.

This is me after my midwife appointment yesterday. I just found out that I was 3cm dilated and 80% effaced and so my husband and I thought it might be a good idea to get some last photos of the belly. My appointment included the ever so enjoyable well you know…ahem…vaginal exam which was the first one that I had been given to check my progress (midwives are more conservative when it comes to these exams and honestly I am thankful for that).However, it was really comforting to know for certain that my body has indeed been progressing and preparing itself for delivery. I was afraid all of those menstrual cramps I had been having were for nothing, but they were definitely doing something!

If you read my last post at 38 weeks you would know that it was right at the point that I was really ready to be done with this pregnancy. It has been a week that has felt like an eternity since then and I think the thing that drives me up the wall the most is my awareness of what is going on in my body. Every little cramp or feeling of pressure or shock to my sciatic nerve sends me into thoughts that labor is right around the corner. For the past 3 days I wake up with the thought  ” today is the day for sure!” Normally my intuition is right on, but lately it’s been a little off.

I am desperately trying to put the timing in God’s hands. I know he has the perfect timing for us to become parents, I was just really hoping it would be this weekend when we were conveniently close to town. Now that we are back home and two hours away from the hospital I have to really pay attention to my body and be sure to time the contractions correctly when they come. But, that’s the problem you see because I’m not sure what a contraction feels like and I have been having lots of little aches and pains that make me wonder if I am already in early labor. I am on edge because I don’t want to be in full and active labor by the time we get in the car to drive to Tucson. Trust me I have read and heard all kinds of advice, but my main conclusion is that for every woman contractions feel different.

I have been told to walk, bounce on a birthing ball, drive on bumpy roads, relax, rub the belly, take a bath, get a massage, oh yes and even have sex!! I am thankful for all of the advice don’t get me wrong and I have been trying a lot of it – mostly the walks – but I really think it’s up to the Lord now. He is really the one who determines this little one’s arrival. I love what my mom wrote in an e-mail to me this morning – “She’ll come when she’s ready and when the Lord touches your body and  opens it up. He is the giver of life.  He is about to bless you greatly.” I hope I have the gift of words to speak into my daughters life as she has had in mine.

I feel that my thoughts have been kind of scattered on this post, but that fits right along with how I have been feeling lately – emotionally and physically. Scattered, sporadic, and out of control.  My midwife kindly told me yesterday that this is just my body’s way of preparing me for the life of a mother – life will no longer be in my control and I must learn to be selfless and flexible to meet my little one’s needs. I know the Lord has a lot of lessons in store for me about putting things totally in His hands.

I have learned so much about the beautiful ability a woman’s body has to give life to the world.Though it has been hard and has only gotten more difficult with time, I am so thankful for this experience and all that I have learned. I hope to one day use my knowledge to help other women have the best pregnancy and birth experience possible.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Denise Whitley permalink
    March 7, 2012 2:25 PM

    You are so cute, Danielle. I am praying for you. I am putting your shower gift in the mail this week so be expecting it! Can’t wait to see pictures of your little blessing from God!

  2. March 9, 2012 2:19 AM

    You voiced exactly how I felt, I was so frazzled right around hitting 42 weeks, everyone was trying to pressure me to induce and i was so scared to do that, and so afraid since my dr was out of town and my doula was an hour away and Eric was 3 hours away…I had those same feelings wondering what a contraction would feel like, would i be able to even give birth, would I even make it to the hospital etc etc..the advice your mom gave you is right…everyone tried to tell me to bounce, have sex, eat spicy food castor oil everything..none of it worked. Thomas came when God was ready for him, and you will KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt when you are in real labor, it is unexplainable, but you just know that it is time for your daughter to enter into the world, and you will smoothly transition into the process…everything works together for good.. God pulled my day together and orchestrated it beautifully allowing my dr to be back a day early, Eric and my doula made it, and my parents got to stay for the birth (they were supposed to have headed back that morning)…your birth experience will be magical, beautiful, timely, and perfect. You are doing wonderful.

    • March 9, 2012 6:59 AM

      Thank you so much Catherine, really this post was so encouraging to me – possibly one of the most encouraging things anyone has been able to say to me so far…just the fact that you were in a very similar situation and made it through beautifully gives me hope!

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