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On Becoming a Mother

April 20, 2012

I have spent the majority of my morning simply staring at my daughter (between feedings and diaper changes of course).  I am learning to cherish these precious moments and I am enjoying every second of it. As I sat here this morning staring and playing with her and possibly enjoying the first hints of real smiles I began to get teary eyed, not out of sadness but out of the joy the love of a mother brings. If you haven’t experienced motherhood there is no way to describe it. I can say with confidence that having a child tops any other experience I ever chased after.

I was telling my friend ( who is currently preparing for her beautiful wedding day) that the day I had Audrey was the best day of my life and she asked me as most brides-to-be probably would,’was it even better than your wedding day?’ I only had to think about it for a moment before I responded with an emphatic yes! Maybe that’s not how all other mothers out there feel, but for me having Audrey just magnified my love for my husband and the life we started together nearly 4 years ago. Seconds after this beautiful daughter that we created together was delivered, I looked up at my husband and a tear was running down his face.A tear on a man who has been trained to quench his emotions, this unexpected tear described everything I was feeling and everything that we became as a couple in that moment. Our lives became so much fuller in a matter of seconds.

Before I got married everyone warned me against it. They said I needed to figure out ‘who I was first.’ I didn’t listen, getting married young to the man I was head over heels for was at that moment who I wanted to be, Do you really need to make an effort to find who you are? I am who I am because of the circumstances God has put before me and the decisions I made concerning those circumstances- I chose to marry young, I chose to finish college, and afterwards I chose to become a mother and in  God’s perfect timing I had a beautiful baby girl. Now, I have chosen to stay at home with her partially because of the circumstance God as placed me in and partially because that is what I feel called to do right now. Do I know exactly what I am going to contribute to the world outside of my family yet? No. Do I even know if I will choose a career outside of my family yet? No. Right now I am completely satisfied in the life I have chosen – more satisfied than I ever realized I would be. I am not saying that I will never work outside of the home, but for now I am not going to waste my time wanting more. Audrey is worth every precious moment and I know I will look back on these days as the best days of my life and be glad I spent the time at home loving my child.Image

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